The snubbed man’s wife is asking for my help

Dear Amy: My husband has gone skiing with seven of his male peers for 17 years.

One of these friends, “Patrick,” is an alcoholic whose out-of-control behavior during previous ski trips has been difficult for them to tolerate.

Last year, Patrick was so offensive and unruly during a ski trip that it was the last straw, so the guys will not be inviting him to join them again.

My husband has blocked him on his phone.

Although all agreed that this shunning was justified, the loss of this friend caused my husband great emotional pain.

I am from a family who has suffered from generations of alcoholism. I have a low tolerance for the pain caused by that sad addiction. As a result, the shunning is not a problem for me.

However, I am friends with Patrick’s wife, who knows he has been banned from the ski group for his frightening behaviors.

She is choosing to continue to support him and his painful, risky lifestyle, trusting that he will recover.

Although none of us share her trust in him, she is asking for “understanding” from the ski group and is asking for me to maintain his friendship.

Both my husband and I enjoy her but want nothing to do with Patrick. We are inclined to gently conclude our relationship with her, but we feel bad for all concerned.

Thanks for any insight or advice.

– Former Friend

Dear Former Friend: Banning an “unruly” person from an already potentially dangerous sporting weekend spent hurtling down a snowy mountain is a logical choice – safest for the group, and for others on the slope.

Avoiding someone whose alcoholism is out of control is also a logical choice.

But “shunning”? Shunning is a group choice to permanently cut off contact. It is used as a consequence for unacceptable behavior.

Your husband and his friends believe that they are acting in the best interests of the group.

“Gently concluding” your relationship with the wife of this addict, simply because she is both staying with her husband and attempting to continue a friendship with you amounts to shunning her. (What’s her crime?)

This makes her yet another victim of her husband’s disease.

Source link

𝗖𝗿𝗲𝗱𝗶𝘁𝘀, 𝗖𝗼𝗽𝘆𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 & 𝗖𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘁𝗲𝘀𝘆:
𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗴𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗗𝗠𝗖𝗔,
𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘂𝘀 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗶𝗹 𝗮𝘁

Similar Posts