DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a friend over for dinner who brought along a friend of their own. While I was in the kitchen preparing food, the friend of a friend had free range of the house.
After they left, I realized that a valuable item was missing, and I can’t shake the feeling that it was this friend of a friend who took it. The problem is I have no concrete proof.
I don’t want to falsely accuse someone or cause unnecessary drama in my friend group, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve been trying to put it out of my mind, but every time I think about it, I feel violated and uneasy.
What should I do? Should I confront the friend of a friend? Should I let it go and chalk it up to bad luck?
— Gut Feeling
DEAR GUT FEELING: I think you should speak to the friend who brought this person into your home.
Explain what happened and that you cannot prove anything, but you suspect that their friend stole from you. Point out that someone at the gathering took the item. You know that because it was there before guests arrived and not the next morning.
Ask your friend if they can vouch for this person’s honesty. Inquire as to what they recommend you do. For example, ask their opinion about whether you should mention it to the person, or should they? Or do you leave it alone because you have no proof?
Clearly, this is a violation of trust. When you invite people into your home, you never imagine that a guest would steal from you. Acknowledge that this is an awkward conversation, but you feel violated and thought they should know.
DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend from college is in town for a month and asked if he could stay with me. I agreed, and let me tell you, I regret it. He is a mess.
I don’t know what he is accustomed to, but he acts like I am his maid. He makes a mess in the bathroom and doesn’t clean up after himself. He cooks food sometimes, but he never washes the dishes. When I cook, he enjoys being served but doesn’t even offer to clear the table let alone do the dishes — which isn’t that much. It’s mostly putting the dishes in the dishwasher. His room is a mess. You get the picture.
I don’t live like this. I want to be a good host, but he is stretching my limits. Would it be rude of me to call this behavior to his attention?
— Messy Houseguest
DEAR MESSY HOUSEGUEST: You have every right to speak to him about how he is living in your home.
Ask him to sit down to talk to you. Tell him that you were happy to accommodate him when he asked if he could stay with you for a while, but you have come to regret your decision. That will get his attention.
Tell him how surprised you have been that he does not keep your place tidy or even offer to help out with household tasks. Tell him that if he is to stay any longer in your home, you have things that you will need him to do to pitch in. Make a list so that there is no need for interpretation.
Ask him to agree to the list, including the frequency of chores. If he does not comply at once, invite him to leave.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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