DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is graduating with honors from a really selective college.
My husband needs to ask household from each side to attend, which might require everybody to journey out of state to a really costly metropolis.
Initially, we have been going to host a pleasant social gathering after the ceremony. Now it’s fully off, on account of volatility in my husband’s job. He nonetheless needs to ask everybody, however allow them to know we will’t home them or present any celebration outdoors of the commencement ceremony.
I feel that is extremely ill-mannered, and that we should always simply have our instant household there. I discover it offensive to ask relations to pay for airfare, costly lodges and meals whereas we offer nothing.
Some kin would probably invite us to eat at a pleasant restaurant, at their expense, to rejoice. They’ll afford this, but it surely’s not their place.
By means of the years, we’ve identified a few of our kin to look down on us.
I really feel horrible; I’m not attempting to make my husband’s life more durable, or most significantly, disappoint my son. He already expressed his want to have an enormous social gathering, and now we’ve to inform him it’s off.
GENTLE READER: Right here is one other argument in opposition to inviting the prolonged household to a commencement: Commencement ceremonies will be significant to the graduates and their instant households, however you’ll maybe forgive Miss Manners for saying that they don’t seem to be sources of common leisure.
Even when there are mesmerizing audio system, which isn’t all the time the case, many of the ritual consists of watching strangers stroll throughout a stage.
When issuing invites, one is meant to contemplate the doable enjoyment one is providing the potential company. On this case, it’s so minimal that anybody with out a deep emotional attachment to your son could be silly to simply accept.
As to your son himself, absolutely he’s grown-up and clever sufficient to have sympathy for the household’s monetary constraints, fairly than resentment.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a 37-year-old girl who has by no means been engaged, married or had youngsters. I’ll be graduating quickly, and am undecided which title, Miss or Ms., to make use of for my commencement bulletins.
I’d like to make use of Ms., however what precisely does it stand for? Please let me know which is most applicable.
GENTLE READER: It stands for “Ms.” It’s so helpful that Miss (sic) Manners can not perceive the bias some folks have in opposition to it.
A small historical past lesson: Centuries in the past, the all-purpose feminine honorific was Mistress, and it was as devoid of marital standing as Mister. Mistress was abbreviated as Ms. So those that object to Ms. being too new a time period are fairly flawed.
It was solely later that the phrase acquired separate variations — Miss and Mrs. — to indicate marital standing. A foul thought.
Worse, the time period “mistress” picked up a less-than-respectable that means. Feminine designations have a tendency to try this, whereas male ones don’t — “sir” versus “madam,” for instance. Hostility to Ms. appears an instance of that prejudice.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or by means of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
