DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve mulled over this query for years, and have seen either side. However usually, I consider it sounds bizarre and mildly insulting to confer with a serving tray as a “silver-plated serving tray” — particularly when it was a present.
This occurred to my mother-in-law, whom I cherished and cherished.
She was widowed at a younger age and labored laborious to have a modest earnings. She managed to have a nice, pleased life — it was simply her and her son (my husband). She additionally had superb style and all the time labored laborious to provide considerate presents.
Her brother was very prosperous, and after he handed away, my MIL had a tense relationship along with his spouse and children. There was loads of jealousy and resentment. When his daughter bought married, my MIL didn’t attend the marriage, however despatched a beautiful serving tray as a present.
The bride despatched a thank-you card saying, “Thank you for the silver-plated tray.”
Was {that a} veiled insult? My mother-in-law was very harm and offended, and that sealed it. She had nothing extra to do together with her brother’s household.
Once I wrote my thank-you letters for my marriage ceremony presents, I by no means talked about what the presents had been fabricated from. However I nonetheless maintain questioning if it was impolite or not.
GENTLE READER: It will be of no assist, Miss Manners supposes, for her to level out that silver plate will be invaluable, even (within the case of early Sheffield items) extra so than sure gadgets of sterling silver.
The excellence that ought to have been made right here is between a mere description, a attainable slight and an insult so vicious as to require a household rupture. The good thing about the doubt would have been the only option.
However moderately than ponder this, you can have urged your mother-in-law to not react as she did, however to let it go — or, if that was not attainable, to ask the niece if she was sad with the current.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: If I discovered my that my spouse and I had been to be seated individually at a celebration, I’d transfer my place card or go away the celebration together with her.
There are two major duties that married {couples} — and, arguably, courting {couples} — have that supersede their “duty” to the host of a gathering: safety of and constancy to their partner, neither of which is served by splitting {couples} up. Events are sometimes not secure in both respect, particularly when alcohol is concerned.
GENTLE READER: It isn’t clear whether or not the issue right here is that your acquaintances are harmful, your spouse is untrustworthy, or that every one of you’re apt to drink uncontrolled. Maybe it’s all of those.
Miss Manners can give you solely her sympathy. Basic social customs presuppose folks of goodwill, not such excessive and unlucky instances.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, [email protected]; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
