DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband was discovered lifeless in his residence three months in the past. He was a bitter man who by no means forgave me for leaving him.
We had been divorced for 30 years earlier than his dying and have two kids and 4 stunning grandchildren.
For years, he bitterly complained to our kids and refused to attend particular occasions as a result of I left him. When there have been points, he refused to assist, insisting it was my fault as a result of I had left.
The reality is, I left after I walked in on him having intercourse with my older sister. Neither of them noticed me, and I by no means informed him. Now he’s gone.
My sister, who lately misplaced her husband, retains speaking to me about my ex-husband, saying how handsome he was. It makes me sick.
I beloved my husband after I left him, however I may by no means forgive him.
I want I had mentioned one thing to him when he was alive, however it’s too late. Each time my sister speaks of him, I get so upset. I wish to confront her about it however concern it might do extra hurt than good.
His dying has turned my world the other way up. I’m so confused.
— HURT IN THE EAST
DEAR HURT: You ought to have informed your ex the explanation you left earlier than you probably did it. I can’t think about why you stayed silent.
Whereas some {couples} handle to maneuver past infidelity, many don’t, and also you had a sound cause for divorcing him.
The subsequent time your sister begins speaking about how handsome your ex was, do one thing it is best to have achieved many years in the past. Inform her you will have identified for 30 years how engaging she discovered him since you walked in on them in flagrante, which is why you walked out.
I see nothing to be gained by not talking up at this level, besides extra ache and turmoil for your self.
DEAR ABBY: Three many years in the past, my husband and I had been a army couple stationed abroad to a distant task. I used to be raped by a fellow officer, however I used to be too frightened to report it.
I grew to become pregnant, and to at the present time I can not honestly say whether or not my youngster is my husband’s or a consequence of the rape.
I tremendously love my treasured son, however I’ve checked out him for 33 years praying he’s the son of my great husband. I lastly shared the stress of my secret with a army physician 10 years in the past and was tremendously helped by his response. Till now.
My son is excited by DNA checks, and I’m terrified my secret will likely be uncovered.
I’m unwilling to share this with my husband or my son. I don’t need my life to crumble as I enter my seventieth yr and thirty seventh yr of marriage.
Please advise.
— ANONYMOUS WIFE AND MOTHER
DEAR ANONYMOUS: Ask your present doctor for a confidential referral to a health care provider with a specialty in DNA paternity. Seek the advice of the individual, clarify the circumstances and ask if it might be attainable to submit samples of your husband’s and your son’s DNA for examination. Getting DNA may be so simple as amassing a toothbrush or an consuming utensil the individual has used.
If it seems that your son isn’t your husband’s, I’m advising that you just inform them each about what occurred to you in order that they received’t wrongly conclude that you just had been untrue. What occurred to you was not your fault.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
