DEAR MISS MANNERS: I simply moved into a brand new dwelling, and I needed to maintain that data personal on the place the place I’m quickly working.
I’m not notably near anybody there. A number of individuals are good to me, however to not the purpose of being pals.
Nicely, phrase acquired out about my home, and now a number of folks have invited themselves over or hinted as a lot. None of those folks have ever socialized with me, so I discover it odd and awkward that they’d all of the sudden invite themselves.
I don’t entertain anyway, however I do know telling them that won’t work. I’m simply actually bothered that they are saying, “You’ll have to invite us over.”
What would you do? I would like an inventory of excuses!
GENTLE READER: No, you want just one: “I’m not planning anything.” Or fewer than one, if that’s potential: a strained smile and silence.
Miss Manners understands that individuals who have hassle saying no is likely to be sorry to disappoint those that importune them. Or they might be cowed by the authority with which some folks state their calls for. However to present a particular excuse is to confess that the matter is open for dialogue.
You say you might be busy? “Well, when will you be free?” they are going to ask.
You say that the home isn’t prepared for guests? “That’s all right; we don’t expect it to be in perfect shape.”
You say you’ve visitors coming? “We’d love to meet them.”
And so forth.
If you happen to don’t provide materials, they’ll’t argue.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m 64 years previous. My mom insists that when I’m supplied one other serving to of meals, it’s impolite for me to answer, “No, thank you, I’m full.” She says I ought to simply say “No, thank you” and go away it at that as a result of nobody needs to know whether or not I’m full.
If I say that I’m full, she frowns and provides me a withering look. The truth is, she provides me the identical look after I simply say “No, thank you” as a result of she all the time thinks I’m going so as to add that I’m full.
Nevertheless, a lot of my different family often say that they’re full! Is my mother proper?
GENTLE READER: All the time. And Miss Manners agrees that picturing your full abdomen has a foul impact on different folks’s appetites.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to be visiting a pricey buddy’s dwelling just a few days after her husband died. Whereas I used to be there, her grownup daughter arrived from out of city. I had not met her earlier than.
We have been launched, after which I mentioned, “I’m sorry for your loss.”
She instantly mentioned, “I hate it when people say that,” and continued to complain about folks all the time saying that.
What was I presupposed to say in response? I used to be speechless.
GENTLE READER: Good. Since you wouldn’t have needed to upset your buddy by providing double condolences — for dropping her husband, and likewise for having a impolite daughter.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, [email protected]; or by means of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
