DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a very clumsy friend. Every time she comes over to my house, it seems that she inevitably breaks something of mine.
It has almost become a running joke, but I’m getting really frustrated.
The last time she came over, she accidentally knocked over a vase and shattered it. Before that, she spilled red wine on my new white carpet, leaving a permanent stain. And before that, she somehow managed to break the arm off my favorite chair.
I know accidents happen, but it feels like this happens every time she visits. I’ve tried to confront her about it, and she laughs it off and insists that she’s “just clumsy.”
I can’t keep replacing my things every time she comes over.
What should I do? Should I stop inviting her over? Is there a way to address this without hurting her feelings? I don’t want to lose my friend, but I can’t keep letting her break my things.
— Clumsy Friend
DEAR CLUMSY FRIEND: Start planning dates with her outside of your home.
Meet at a park, an art exhibition, a restaurant, a bar. Decide you will spend time with her discovering new sites and activities in your town. Be mindful not to choose things that are expensive. Look for free or low-cost activities that will inspire you two without destroying your home.
If she asks why you aren’t inviting her to visit, tell her the truth: You want to preserve the friendship and your furniture!
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve usually only kept one or two close friends around me and considered the rest of the people I interacted with acquaintances.
I tried having a larger friend group, and that didn’t fare well for me for many reasons, so I went back to just having one or two close friends.
I find myself sometimes wishing that larger friend groups were for me because when my one friend is busy, I have to plan to do things by myself or not at all. I also feel as if I’m missing out on those “movie moments,” where you see a friend group doing something crazy together.
I don’t know if I should give a friend group another chance or if I should just continue the way I am going with my life.
— Alone
DEAR ALONE: Some people are great at group interactions and engagements. Others, not so much. It is OK that you fall into the second group.
It is important that you understand how you interact with people and what makes you comfortable. If you naturally find yourself making friends with a group of people, by all means explore that and see if it can work for you. In group dynamics, often individual members are closer to some friends than others, but if you sit back and observe and notice how people engage each other, you can find a rhythm that works for you.
If you don’t find that group, that’s OK too. It is even OK to make that movie moment a solo experience. Take yourself to the movies and enjoy what you see. Invite someone from work or your neighborhood to join you from time to time.
You can be brave and bold in that way by inviting new people in, but don’t be afraid of going solo.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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