DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the previous 12 months, I’ve gained a big quantity of weight, and it’s been troublesome for me emotionally and mentally.
I’ve turn out to be extraordinarily self-conscious about how I look — to the purpose the place I generally keep away from social conditions altogether. I really feel like I’m continuously evaluating myself with the individual I was, and I don’t acknowledge my reflection anymore.
Not too long ago, I ran right into a good friend I hadn’t seen since earlier than the burden achieve. At first, they didn’t even acknowledge me. They laughed it off as soon as they realized who I used to be, but it surely stung greater than I anticipated.
It confirmed the concern I’ve been carrying round: that individuals see me as completely different, or worse, lower than, due to how my physique has modified. I do know I’m nonetheless me, but it surely appears like I’m being considered via a totally completely different lens now.
I don’t need to really feel ashamed of myself, however I don’t know find out how to rebuild my confidence or find out how to cease letting my physique outline how I present up on the planet.
— Obese and Ashamed
DEAR OVERWEIGHT AND ASHAMED: Personal your actuality and the way you are feeling about it. Look your self within the mirror and profess love for you as you’re. This will likely appear foolish or troublesome, however it can assist you to are inclined to your individual wants if you’re being form to your self.
Establish an accountability companion who will cheer you on and help you in your journey to higher well being. Go to the physician. Get a full medical workup to seek out out when you have well being circumstances to deal with. Interact a nutritionist that can assist you design wholesome meals.
Decide to placing your well being first and to do one thing good for your self on daily basis. Be pleased with small victories. When others see you, greet them warmly. Don’t draw back from them.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister and I are in contrast continuously. From our clothes to our educational {and professional} careers — individuals even examine our faces.
I feel we every compete with the opposite quietly, and fairly frankly, it has made me really feel resentful.
It makes me skeptical of any compliments she offers me, and it makes me secretive. I hate telling her about new targets, plans, concepts or pursuits I’ve. I’m all the time met with somber, barely envious replies like, “Geez, I want to be more like you.”
I’m by no means celebrated or honored for what I’m doing. It all the time turns into her speaking about herself.
How can I get my sister’s help with out her self-centered perspective?
— Sister-Sister
DEAR SISTER-SISTER: It’s potential that you just two are in comparable conditions. Her remark means that she feels inferior to you and that she appears like she doesn’t measure up. Your feedback recommend that you just assume she has an ulterior motive for complimenting you.
Name a truce. Discuss to your sister brazenly. Inform her how uncomfortable you are feeling when different individuals examine the 2 of you. Add that it bothers you when it appears she doesn’t take heed to what you say.
Ask her to comply with carve out time once you each share brazenly with one another and hear fastidiously to what the opposite is saying. Promise to withstand falling into the lure of comparisons. Have a good time yourselves for who you’re and what’s distinctive about every of you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist individuals entry and activate their goals. You possibly can ship inquiries to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
