DEAR ABBY: I’m scuffling with the tip of a friendship that has meant the world to me for many of my life.
My greatest buddy of 25 years not too long ago married somebody she had identified for just a few months. I used to be shocked how shortly issues moved, however I revered her choice and was genuinely blissful for her.
Throughout considered one of our final significant conversations, she assured me she would let me know when a marriage date was set as a result of she wished me there.
Just a few weeks later, I by accident found that not solely had a date been chosen, however there may be additionally a marriage web site — clearly displaying the occasion was deliberate and confirmed. I used to be not invited.
Once I introduced it up gently, she flat-out denied that something had been finalized.
I felt damage, confused and dismissed. The dishonesty and secrecy really feel like a betrayal after all the pieces we’ve shared over the previous 25 years. Being excluded from such a significant life occasion after which lied to about it looks like the ultimate straw.
I’m torn between mourning the friendship and questioning if I’m overreacting. Is there any getting back from this sort of damage? Or is it time to simply accept that our relationship is over?
— LEFT BEHIND IN THE EAST
DEAR LEFT BEHIND: You aren’t overreacting. It seems your buddy’s “little white lie” became a whopper. I can’t blame you for feeling damage on the means you had been handled.
There might be a number of the reason why you had been left off the visitor checklist. Not realizing your outdated buddy, I can’t guess which. Neither are you able to, since she selected to lie as an alternative of stage with you.
Whether or not this could finish your lengthy relationship is as much as you. Actually, you must rethink something she tells you sooner or later, if there even is a future.
DEAR ABBY: After my father handed away, I began performing some household family tree.
Everybody, together with household, thinks he was an ideal WWII hero. However whereas researching navy data, I found it was all a lie. In my view, he dedicated “stolen valor.”
Do I inform the reality, or let sleeping canine lie?
— TRUTHFUL IN THE WEST
DEAR TRUTHFUL: Your father has gone to his nice reward. In case you really feel the report needs to be set straight, present your loved ones the analysis you probably did and inform them the reality.
DEAR ABBY: I’m remarried to a widower whose first spouse died 10 years in the past.
On the anniversary of her dying, he reaches out to her siblings to announce how a lot he beloved her. I discover this unsettling. I might have thought that this was understood by all of them throughout their marriage. He was a faithful husband.
Am I mistaken in considering this pointless and hurtful?
— CURRENT WIFE IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR WIFE: You’re entitled to your emotions, however please cease evaluating your marriage to the one your husband had along with his late spouse. Though yours could also be a cheerful one, it isn’t an identical to the one he had together with her.
A lesson I’ve realized later in life is that love doesn’t finish when a companion dies. As a result of your husband deeply beloved his first spouse doesn’t imply there may be much less for you. For him, the message he sends to his former in-laws feels vital.
Please strive more durable to not make an issue the place there isn’t one. No anniversary message will convey the girl again.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
