DEAR MISS MANNERS: I visited a household for his or her baby’s party. It was my first time at their house, and I needed to stay well mannered.
I drive an electrical automotive and to my delight, their house had two charging ports prominently seen and unoccupied. Would I’ve offended if I had plugged my car in? Asking permission from an already-busy hostess appeared intrusive.
I do know that in a reverse scenario, I might have been more than pleased to have somebody cost at my house. A four-hour cost, even at excessive electrical energy costs, would work out to round $10 — a price I might be glad to roll into the same old get together bills.
Might I assist myself?
GENTLE READER: That the charging station was prominently seen makes it a comfort for the home-owner and a temptation for you — not an invite. The price is inappropriate.
The well mannered factor to do when visiting one other’s house — for the primary time, or the fiftieth — is to ask permission. Miss Manners is assured you’ll find a quiet second to take action, if a top-off is important.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: About 25 years in the past, I used to be in a “moms of preschoolers” group. I knew some ladies higher than others, however I thought-about all of them a part of my bigger good friend group.
As our youngsters grew up, we stayed considerably in contact, forming smaller teams, however these broke up in the course of the pandemic. I haven’t seen most of those ladies since 2020.
One of many ladies handed away. She was not a detailed good friend, so I used to be unaware she’d been sick for 2 years, however I remembered her fondly and was saddened by her dying.
I deliberate to go to the funeral. I additionally replied to a gaggle electronic mail from certainly one of her shut buddies, asking the sender about bringing meals.
In response, I obtained a lecture about how this girl’s husband (at all times a thorny man) had mentioned that solely two folks from this mothers’ group visited his spouse when she was sick, so clearly nobody cared.
I might have cared, had I identified she was sick. After listening to this, I felt awkward and didn’t go to the funeral.
Did I do the best factor? When folks ship out group emails, I assume it’s as a result of they need an enormous outpouring from a big group of individuals, not all of whom are going to be the deceased’s closest buddies. Is it ghoulish to attend the funeral of somebody who was solely a peripheral form of good friend?
GENTLE READER: Ghouls are beings who like graveyards; neither your intent in going, nor your conduct, had you executed so, would have supported such an accusation.
So why did you not? If it was since you feared that the husband’s assertion — and his previous conduct — meant he would make a scene for those who did, then it was cheap to not go.
However this is able to be excessive conduct on his half. His assertion sounds as an alternative, to Miss Manners, just like the bitter, unthinking remark of a brand new widower — made in grief and finest missed.
It will have been higher to go, and present him he was mistaken. However you’ll be able to nonetheless write a condolence letter.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or via postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
