DEAR MISS MANNERS: A pal and I’ve a long-standing, semi-joking disagreement, however I do suppose my conduct bothers her, and I simply don’t perceive why.
We usually meet for dinner. Now, I’m not a giant dining-out individual. I’m simply not that interested by meals. I’m extra of an “eat to live” individual, if you recognize what I imply.
My pal will get much more enjoyment out of meals than I do, and I’m completely comfortable to spend time along with her at a restaurant, despite the fact that the meals itself isn’t a major promoting level for me, if that is smart. It’s a high-quality place to meet up with her.
The issue is that I normally ask the server to determine what I’ll have, as an alternative of ordering myself. I’ve little curiosity within the meals, and as staff, they definitely know the menu a lot better than I do, and what folks need once they come to that restaurant.
Final week when requested for my order, I mentioned, “Whatever makes sense!”
Effectively, the server and I had already chatted somewhat and he didn’t appear to have an issue with my order. He advisable one thing, and I used to be high-quality with it, however my pal was embarrassed and accused me, basically, of being a poor restaurant patron.
She appears to really feel that I’m placing some type of burden on the servers and presumably making them uncomfortable by asking them to determine what I get. However to me, I’m merely streamlining an interplay by which the server is finest positioned to know what I ought to order.
Is that this actually that bizarre?
GENTLE READER: That you just do not need a ardour for meals is ok. That you’re open to recommendations out of your server can also be high-quality.
However displaying disdain for individuals who take it severely by brazenly expressing your apathy is the place Miss Manners — and your pal — discovered fault. That’s what made the interplay with the server uncomfortable, not the asking itself.
If that is smart and you recognize what Miss Manners means.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I despatched out occasion invites that included my grandnephew. He RSVP’d that he could be attending, alongside along with his girlfriend.
I had not invited the girlfriend — I didn’t even know he had one!
In fact she is welcome, however is there a well mannered solution to inform him that visitors don’t invite individuals who hadn’t been invited within the first place?
I don’t need to begin a household feud, or to let his mom (my niece) suppose that I’m making an attempt to inform her methods to increase her son. No less than he RSVP’d.
GENTLE READER: True. However doing so solely when one desires to ask different folks surreptitiously doesn’t make it even.
As a well mannered warning for future invites, Miss Manners suggests you say to your niece, “We were so surprised and happy to hear that Chase has a girlfriend. Had we known, we would have put her on the invitation … but I’m glad she was able to attend anyway.”
In fact, you would additionally say this to Chase himself. In case he modifies girlfriends.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or by way of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
