Pricey Eric: That is most likely an odd query. A really giant proportion of the time, greater than 50 p.c, once I come house from being out (lunch/purchasing/no matter), my husband is within the restroom.
The powder room is true subsequent to his workplace and generally I’ve tried to open the door, and it’s locked, which appears odd since he’s the one one in the home.
I assume it could possibly be a coincidence, nevertheless it simply appears odd. Is that this one thing to fret about?
– Too A lot Relaxation Room
Pricey Room: Nope.
If you happen to’re involved that elevated toilet utilization signifies a well being drawback, you may ask him. However chances are high he simply likes to make use of the restroom whereas the home is empty.
As to the lock, once more you may ask. However should you’re already going round attempting to open closed toilet doorways, it is sensible that he’d flip the latch for privateness.
Pricey Eric: My household moved out of state to chop ties with my husband’s verbally and emotionally abusive mom.
My husband ultimately took his personal life, and so now I stay alone in a state six hours away.
One in every of my husband’s brothers additionally moved out of state; the opposite one engaged in a horrific divorce, grew to become depending on medicine and alcohol and lives in his mom’s basement. His son — my nephew and godson — has been dwelling in that family, being subjected to abuse by the hands of his father and his grandmother.
I’ve invited my nephew to stick with me as he retains calling and crying to me that he desires to be “normal” like my three youngsters; he desires to “break the cycle.” I’ve laid down boundaries and directed him to employment openings in my space.
My greatest fear is what to do if he messes up? Or begins imitating the dynamics of the household? What number of possibilities ought to he get? Are you able to assist with an exit technique?
If he lies, will get fired, drinks, or one thing I haven’t imagined, can I put him out in a state the place he is aware of nobody? He’s saving for a automotive however has totaled two, plus a bike, up to now.
Thanks for any perception you may present.
– Protecting Aunt
Pricey Aunt: It’s clever of you to suppose by prematurely the totally different ways in which this might go.
There are at all times unknowns once you invite a relative to stay with you, plus you’ll be in a de facto parental position. So, boundaries and expectations ought to be crystal-clear. Penalties ought to be crystal-clear as effectively.
If mendacity, consuming or getting fired are deal-breakers for you, you need to inform him that prematurely, put it in writing and mutually acknowledge the consequence. And that consequence could be that he has to maneuver again house, if that’s what you need.
One in every of your goals helps your nephew mature and flourish in a secure setting. Understanding penalties is a part of that maturation.
As you set penalties, nevertheless, think twice about which behaviors are unacceptable even as soon as and which behaviors are alternatives for enchancment.
You need to shield your self, your property and your peace, so I perceive your concern. Nevertheless it’s additionally useful to consider the context that your nephew is coming from. He might profit from each clear, robust penalties and delicate leeway the place applicable.
Pricey Eric: That is in response to “Loving But Frustrated Daughter,” whose 92-year-old mom lives in a secluded rural house within the Midwest, very distant from the daughter’s house in Southern California. The mom scolds the daughter when she wants to finish what’s been a protracted telephone dialog, and the daughter feels responsible attempting to please and assist her mom whereas carving out time for herself and her household.
I’ve at all times lived a substantial distance from my mom, grandmother after which a mother-in-law, and “back in the day” we corresponded recurrently with written letters and playing cards.
A card or letter obtained within the mail brightens anybody’s day and could be picked up and reread on the receiver’s comfort and saved for so long as the receiver cares to take action. Letters don’t should be lengthy, and if poor imaginative and prescient is an issue, could possibly be written or printed in larger-than-normal font. This daughter might ship a brief letter or card as soon as per week or each two weeks, and will even furnish her mom with self-addressed, stamped playing cards for the mom to jot a observe on and ship again.
My older kinfolk have all handed, however I nonetheless cherish the playing cards and letters we shared for therefore a few years. This could be a useful suggestion to your letter author.
– Letter Author
Pricey Author: One other nice suggestion; thanks. I not too long ago met somebody who writes their grandmother a letter each single week, and the custom warmed my coronary heart.
Ship inquiries to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Field 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Observe him on Instagram @oureric and join his weekly e-newsletter at rericthomas.com.
