DEAR ABBY: I all the time thought-about my lifelong good friend “Mary” to be my greatest good friend. We’re in our mid-50s now and dwell in several international locations, however we’ve all the time stayed in touch. I’m single; she is married.
When she comes to go to, she stays with me. I generally choose her up on the airport, and I give her my visitor room to remain in. I’ve by no means requested her for any cash. All the things was high quality; we loved one another’s firm.
I not too long ago requested Mary if I might keep at her home (simply in a single day) and stated I wouldn’t thoughts sleeping on the couch.
She stated she couldn’t have me for even one evening as a result of she has a small house, no visitor room and he or she’s married.
I felt harm as a result of I by no means anticipated her refusal, particularly the “I’m married” half, as a result of it implied she doesn’t belief me along with her husband round. Frankly, I used to be dumbfounded and speechless.
I nonetheless love Mary, however I can’t recover from what she stated.
Am I being overly delicate? I cry about this each time I keep in mind.
— THROWN IN PUERTO RICO
DEAR THROWN: Your good friend informed you she doesn’t have a home; she lives in a small house. It could possibly be a one-bedroom or studio. Reasonably than implying you may come on to her husband, she might have been making an attempt to convey in her abbreviated assertion that he’s not open to having a visitor sleep on their sofa.
I do know you’re dissatisfied, however cease taking this so personally. If you go to, you’ll get the whole image.
DEAR ABBY: I used to be sexually abused as a baby. Due to this, as an grownup girl, I’ve points round being touched.
I’ve had remedy, and I’m doing a lot better, however I’m nonetheless uncomfortable with bodily contact. I merely request that individuals ask me earlier than they contact me, and I normally agree.
The problem is my mother-in-law. She refuses to ask earlier than touching me and infrequently pulls me into undesirable hugs or comes up behind me.
I’ve defined to her about my historical past, so she is aware of why I would like her to ask me first, however she brushes it off and says she isn’t going to harm me.
One time she stated, “What? Do you think I’m going to attack you?” No, I don’t assume she goes to assault me. This problem is about me, not her, however she doesn’t perceive that.
My husband throws up his arms and refuses to become involved, as he hates being put within the center.
How can I make her perceive that I want her to ask earlier than placing her arms on me?
— PROTECTIVE IN ILLINOIS
DEAR PROTECTIVE: Inform your mother-in-law as soon as extra, when you find yourself each calm, that due to your historical past of abuse you do not need to be touched with out first being requested.
If she says, “Do you think I’m going to attack you?” your response ought to be, “That’s exactly what it feels like! It feels like I’m being assaulted. Don’t do it!”
If she does it after that, then, in my view, you’ve each proper to defend your self.
P.S. Your wimp of a husband ought to be there throughout this dialog.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
