DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the weekend, my daughter had just a few of her pals over whereas I used to be out working errands. After I got here residence, I found that an costly crystal vase had been shattered.
This wasn’t simply any vase: It was a present from my deceased grandmother. Apparently, one of many ladies unintentionally knocked it over whereas they have been enjoying.
My daughter apologized, and I do know it wasn’t intentional. Nonetheless, I can’t assist feeling upset. I’ve been making an attempt to not take it out on her, however I additionally really feel like she ought to’ve been extra cautious and respectful, particularly realizing how vital that vase was to me.
I’m additionally undecided whether or not to say one thing to the mother and father of the buddy who broke it. A part of me feels prefer it’s only a mistake and perhaps I ought to let it go, however the different half thinks there needs to be some accountability, particularly contemplating the emotional and monetary worth of the merchandise.
How do I deal with this with out damaging relationships however nonetheless honoring how I really feel?
— Upset
DEAR UPSET: Let it go. Don’t attain out to the mother and father. It was an accident.
For the long run, put valuables in protected locations and probably relegate your daughter and her firm to play-safe areas of your private home.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My companion and I’ve been collectively for some time now, and I really care about him. He’s type and steady, and we now have a powerful connection.
The one situation is that we’re at completely different levels in our lives.
He’s 5 years older than me and is able to calm down. He talks about marriage, shopping for a house and planning for the long run in concrete methods. In the meantime, I’m nonetheless making an attempt to determine issues out.
I’m simply starting to discover who I’m, what I would like from my profession and what sort of life I wish to construct. It’s not that I don’t see a future with him; it’s that I’m undecided when that future would really feel proper for me.
Generally I really feel responsible for not being as prepared as he’s, like I’m holding him again. Different instances I really feel overwhelmed by the stress to hurry up my very own timeline to match his.
I wish to be truthful to each of us, however I’m scared of constructing a choice I’ll remorse, whether or not which means dashing into one thing I’m not ready for or strolling away from somebody I actually love.
How do I do know if this relationship can survive us being in several phases of life?
— Not on the Similar Web page
DEAR NOT ON THE SAME PAGE: Relationships require acceptance and compromise. Speak about your state of affairs straight.
Clarify to your companion the place you might be and the uncertainty that you just really feel — not about him, however concerning the timing. Take into account collectively how comfy you may be for those who keep collectively however transfer at a slower tempo. Agree on boundaries that you’re each prepared to implement in your relationship in addition to time markers for when you’ll verify in to see the place you each stand concerning the future.
Take into consideration the long run. Some persons are capable of finding a rhythm even when their clocks are completely different. For others, the years between them trigger an awesome divide.
You’ll need to find out what works for you. It must be an settlement.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist folks entry and activate their desires. You possibly can ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
