DEAR MISS MANNERS: I ready some hand-dipped chocolate goodies and delivered them to a few girls in my neighborhood.
A number of days later, one of many girls referred to as me to inform me she is diabetic and couldn’t eat them.
I used to be unhappy that “it’s the thought that counts” should not come into play anymore. I felt her cellphone name was impolite and pointless.
Am I being petty, or was she being impolite?
It can make me suppose twice subsequent time I attempt to be considerate. This pal actually received’t see goodies from me once more.
GENTLE READER: Then you’ll not wish to hear that this girl spent the interim fuming over the thoughtlessness displayed in placing her well being in danger — as if, as an alternative of making an attempt to brighten her day, you had tried to force-feed her.
Miss Manners recommends saying, “I’m sorry to hear that. Thanks for letting me know” — after which tossing the dialog within the reminiscence dustbin and, as was your plan, not repeating the gesture. That is additionally an approximation of what Miss Manners would have endorsed the woman with diabetes, had she been requested.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dad and mom determined to throw us a housewarming occasion — the day after we moved our household of 5 into a brand new house.
They invited some folks round city who’d identified me as a child. Additionally they invited my mates, after which requested them to ask extra folks. And so they introduced their very own snacks.
We had been cleansing the residence we had moved out of and nonetheless wanted to place up curtains and assemble beds within the new place.
The friends have been well mannered, however didn’t assist us unpack, apart from my brother, who helped me with my daughter’s mattress.
Was there a well mannered manner I might have requested these surprising friends to depart so we might proceed working?
GENTLE READER: Attempting to clarify to friends that, whereas it’s true they have been invited to your new house, you aren’t answerable for making them really feel welcome since you have been unaware an invite had been despatched is a bit like making an attempt to clarify to the police that, though you admit to driving the getaway automobile, you had no thought your pal meant to rob the financial institution.
Your viewers might be skeptical — if not outright hostile — and you can not depend on the individuals who know the reality to again up your story.
Miss Manners says this to encourage you to pay larger consideration to your dad and mom’ plans sooner or later, in case you missed an earlier alternative to squelch this one.
By the point everybody had arrived, probably the most you could possibly do politely was look so drained and overwhelmed that the friends decamped voluntarily — or pitched in.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I usually hear somebody say one thing alongside the traces of “We politely ask that you refrain from …” or “We politely decline to accept …”
Foolish query, however this doesn’t make sense to me: Should you’re asking or doing one thing politely, must you truly say you’re doing that factor politely?
GENTLE READER: The right kind is, “We respectfully ask (or decline),” which Miss Manners would usually agree is foolish, besides that it’s not straightforward to convey respect in only a few phrases.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, [email protected]; or by way of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
