DEAR ABBY: I’ve been divorced from my ex-husband for a 12 months and a half.
My practically grownup youngsters reside with me. They hardly ever see their dad.
Our divorce was comparatively painless, however the custody battle was extended, and most of my financial savings had been drained within the course of. My ex pays baby assist, however I’m nonetheless struggling financially to boost two rising youngsters, and I’m anxious about them going off to school.
A number of months in the past, I reconnected with a childhood buddy I’ll name “Rob.” We have now rediscovered our friendship and see one another typically. He not too long ago expressed curiosity in a romantic relationship.
Abby, I’m nonetheless in love with my ex-husband!
It wasn’t my option to separate, and though Rob could be very candy, I don’t really feel snug shifting on so shortly. Nevertheless, he has a high-paying job, and once we sometimes exit to dinner, he at all times pays the invoice. I’m afraid I received’t be capable to afford my youngsters’ school with out his monetary assist.
I’m torn between my love for my youngsters and my continued love for my ex-husband. Ought to I pursue this relationship regardless that I don’t really feel the identical?
— ANGUISHED IN ALBUQUERQUE
DEAR ANGUISHED: Inform Rob you might be nonetheless not over your divorce, and when you like him very a lot and luxuriate in his firm, you aren’t prepared for a romantic relationship. It’s the fact, and he deserves that.
As to the truth that you suppose you continue to love the husband who needed the divorce, it’s time to simply accept that the wedding is historical past. When you try this, it’s possible you’ll discover a future with Rob extra to your liking.
DEAR ABBY: I’m somebody who calls buddies, however they by no means name again.
After I name, they’re comfortable to listen to from me, the conversations are vigorous and enjoyable, and the buddies say they adore it once I name. I don’t name typically, and I don’t really feel I’m making a nuisance of myself. Nevertheless, like I stated, they don’t name again.
I can perceive not listening to from newer buddies, however I resent not listening to from ones I’ve had my entire life. I might have died, and so they couldn’t trouble to search out out if I’m OK or get an replace on my life.
I do know I ought to drop them and transfer on, however I can’t. I need assistance with that.
These are folks I’ve by no means had a cross phrase with. One thing — it may very well be an upcoming vacation — jogs my memory of them, and I need to make contact.
Why do folks do that to folks they are saying they love and care about?
–PERPLEXED IN FLORIDA
DEAR PERPLEXED: Folks behave this manner as a result of they’re burdened, busy or distracted. More often than not, it isn’t private. Not everyone seems to be a “caller” like you might be.
If you wish to keep these relationships, you must be ready to do the calling. I’m not saying this to be judgmental or to make excuses for them; it’s only a truth of life.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
