DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve began assembly a good friend for a budget breakfast particular as soon as per week at a diner.
Once we pay the invoice on the counter, my good friend at all times helps himself to 5 or 6 of the free lollipops subsequent to the until.
I discover it embarrassing. Is there a method to ask him to cease with out insulting him?
GENTLE READER: Say, in a public voice as he takes the sweet, “The orphans will be so pleased. But you know, we can buy lollipops. We don’t have to deplete the supply here.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please, please use your affect to carry again “mother” when referencing a girl who’s elevating youngsters. I’m so bored with listening to “mom.”
GENTLE READER: It seems that Miss Manners shouldn’t be the one one who finds it patronizing when strangers applicable the affectionate time period that ought to be the prerogative of the household. They don’t consult with male mother and father as Daddy or Pops. She believes that they need to be simply as cautious of the implications.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter is graduating from highschool, however she doesn’t desire a occasion.
I might nonetheless wish to ship out commencement playing cards to assist have fun her achievement, however I don’t know how you can write it. Ought to I state that she shouldn’t be having a celebration, however that she is attending the ceremony?
I would really like for individuals to have a method to congratulate her with out having a celebration. How do I do that?
GENTLE READER: What do you imply by “congratulate,” and by “a way” for others to take action?
Absolutely anybody who’s pleasant along with your daughter will want her properly with out being prompted by mail. And in case you say or write to your folks, “I’m so proud of Tanya, who is graduating from high school,” they may likely provide their congratulations.
Not sufficient?
Miss Manners has lengthy objected when those that obtain formal bulletins of graduations or weddings characterize these as “gift grabs.” Why shouldn’t individuals merely share their excellent news?
However what if it isn’t information? Or it’s information that’s of no specific curiosity to those that obtain it?
The right recipients of such bulletins are individuals who 1. don’t already know; and a pair of. are presumed to have an interest to listen to.
But Miss Manners had an inquiry from somebody who wished to ship one to the mother and father of one among her son’s commencement classmates, who could safely be presumed to know. And as faculties promote announcement playing cards in bulk, those that get them organized are likely to mail them in bulk, with out regard as to whether their targets have any private ties to the household that might make them wish to know.
It’s these abuses that immediate the “gift grab” accusation, to the extent that even individuals who do care both succumb to what they imagine is a requirement, or ignore the announcement totally.
Bulletins usually are not invoices. The right response to formal or casual bulletins is to ship congratulations, with commencement presents being strictly non-compulsory. As items are additionally non-compulsory when attending commencement events, you shouldn’t really feel that you just (or your daughter) missed out.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or via postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
