DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m in a tough spot financially. I actually can’t afford to attend concert events, seize espresso, dine at eating places, and so on.
Each time a good friend makes a request to spend time collectively, I’ve to show them down as a result of I can’t afford the outing. Each time somebody asks me to contribute to a fundraiser for his or her youngsters, or to a trigger they characterize, I have to depart the request hanging.
Are you able to present a swish solution to decline that hints as to why? I do know I’m beneath no obligation to present a purpose for declining, however once I’m saying “no” each single time somebody invitations me to socialize, they’re naturally going to start to take a position why.
I might hate for them to conclude that I’m merely miserly or uninterested within the friendship.
I’ve a sophisticated training and work in a discipline that individuals typically assume pays effectively; I think that makes individuals fast to leap to conclusions aside from an absence of cash.
GENTLE READER: What you might be possible referencing is Miss Manners’ recommendation that one not present excuses when declining invites. Doing so normally requires mendacity — or sharing an excessive amount of reality.
However as you say, in the event you preserve telling your mates “no” with zero follow-up, they’re going to assume you might be rejecting the friendship, not the occasions to which you might be invited. A minimal rationalization, akin to, “Thank you, I’m watching my budget, but I would love to see you for a walk/picnic/free museum” ought to suffice with out exposing your whole monetary state of affairs.
For these looking for contributions for fundraisers, ignoring or rejecting the request is okay. When you really feel compelled to present a short rationalization, “Thank you, but my discretionary funds are allocated elsewhere” is lots. That they’re being allotted towards your personal payments and groceries needn’t be disclosed.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: After a number of a long time of typing on keyboards, I’ve misplaced my skill to put in writing properly by hand. My resolution is to ship digital notes — for expressing appreciation, recognizing important occasions, and so on.
There are a number of beautiful e-card kinds out there. Utilizing them ends in extra well timed responses, in addition to important financial savings over printed playing cards and postage.
I really feel it will be good if Miss Manners would acknowledge that digital thank-yous are as legitimate as handwritten in right this moment’s communication setting. Any thank-you is best than no thank-you in any respect.
GENTLE READER: Sorry, however you’ll have to snatch the fountain pen out of Miss Manners’ chilly, lifeless hand earlier than she agrees that digital messages are as significant as handwritten ones.
She is going to concede, nonetheless, that any response is best than no response (has it actually come to this?) so long as the sentiment itself is just not computer-generated. “Thank you for the (insert present) that you gave me. It was very special and/or significant” is just not fooling anybody.
As in your argument about saving cash? Miss Manners extremely doubts that the price of the dozen or so letters you write yearly is wherever close to that of the pc you little question exchange each few years.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
