DEAR HARRIETTE: Final weekend, I went on a visit to New York Metropolis with a bunch of affiliates I’ve solely lately began attending to know.
I’ve been residing in Los Angeles for a bit of below a yr, and whereas I’ve frolicked with a few of them casually earlier than, this was our first actual journey collectively.
There have been eight of us in whole, and from the second we arrived, the power was simply off. Everybody appeared extremely egocentric and thoughtless. Folks stored splitting off into cliques and planning with out telling the remainder of us, and there have been fixed disagreements about the whole lot, from the place to eat to what exhibits to see to who ought to pay for what.
At one level, it felt like I used to be being ganged up on for merely suggesting we follow the itinerary we had all agreed on beforehand.
By the top of the weekend, I felt utterly drained, excluded and embarrassed that I had agreed to go.
It was awkward and traumatic, and now I’m dreading going again to work and having to see these individuals each day. How do I deal with the strain and awkwardness at work now?
— Group Journey Gone Fallacious
DEAR GROUP TRIP GONE WRONG: See if you happen to can undertake the perspective that no matter occurred on trip stays on trip. Don’t carry the misadventures of your journey again into the office.
Keep skilled and cordial together with your co-workers, and don’t rehash no matter occurred whilst you had been away. Do your greatest to remain out of what appears like high-school antics. Focus in your work.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My good friend and I had been watching a actuality present the place contestants attempt to discover love. At one level, we obtained right into a pleasant debate about whether or not one of many {couples} on the present was genuinely in love.
She was satisfied that they had been, whereas I had my doubts and stated I didn’t assume their connection appeared all that actual. What began as a lighthearted dialog immediately took a flip when she checked out me and stated, “That’s just because you don’t know what love is.”
Her phrases hit me like a punch to the intestine.
I’ve by no means had an official boyfriend, not as a result of I don’t need one, however as a result of I’m normally not a person’s first alternative. I’ve gone on dates, and I’ve tried placing myself on the market, however issues by no means actually progress for me the way in which they do for her.
She, alternatively, has had a number of boyfriends and is at present in a powerful, loving relationship.
It felt like at that second, she was utilizing her relationship historical past to invalidate my perspective, like my experiences, or lack thereof, made me much less certified to have an opinion on what love appears to be like like. It felt like she was bragging about her personal romantic success whereas reminding me of one thing I already really feel insecure about.
Am I being too delicate about her remark?
— Inconsiderate Good friend
DEAR THOUGHTLESS FRIEND: Discuss to your good friend and inform her that her phrases harm you deeply.
Whereas you haven’t skilled a satisfying loving relationship but, you do have concepts about what love will appear like for you, and you’ve got clear opinions about what you’ve seen on this present. Inform her that you just felt her phrases had been insensitive, judgmental and pointless.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist individuals entry and activate their goals. You possibly can ship questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
