DEAR MISS MANNERS: Relative to the longstanding custom of males proposing marriage to girls, and on this day of sluggish (however hopefully inexorable) motion in direction of gender fairness, I ponder if the p.c of marriage proposals initiated by girls has elevated. Ought to it?
GENTLE READER: Positive, it ought to. In a smart world, it will hardly matter which half of a pair instructed getting married.
However there may be nothing smart about what has occurred to marriage proposals. In as we speak’s show-offy society, the place nothing counts except it has acquired the widest attainable publicity, marriage proposals have turn into efficiency artwork.
In what looks like a parody of a ritual that exists largely within the creativeness of cartoonists, the proposal requires the gentleman to be on his knees providing an astonished woman a field containing a hoop. Apparently, he’s additionally supposed to rearrange for all of it to be photographed, and there may be further credit score for particular results, corresponding to skywriting. And so that each one this effort shouldn’t be wasted on merely the girl, the couple’s associates and family could also be invited to make shock appearances.
There may be all the time the potential for excessive drama if the proposal is refused. However typically, this can be a staged occasion by {couples} who’ve already agreed to marry. That, alone, constitutes an engagement. But they declare that they don’t seem to be engaged till this ceremony is carried out.
That Miss Manners finds this laughable is not going to — and shouldn’t — discourage those that get pleasure from it. However she is going to level out that this pseudo-retro act is firmly forged by gender roles.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My younger teen grandson has a gentle girlfriend who’s vivid, stunning and caring, and who makes my grandson pleased.
They went to a college dance, and my daughter purchased my grandson a particular outfit for it. His girlfriend was beautiful, however was sporting one thing that was clearly lower than new. After all, they’d an exquisite night. (Only for background: Sure, there may be an financial distinction between the 2 households.)
The promenade is arising, and I’d love to present this younger lady the promenade costume of her selecting. It could heat my coronary heart, however I don’t know the right way to recommend it or if I even ought to.
There was a time in my life once I didn’t have one thing good to put on to the promenade.
Your ideas? A present card? A pretend lottery win? I wouldn’t need to damage anybody’s emotions.
GENTLE READER: Then please don’t let this younger woman know that you simply thought of her shabbily dressed.
Miss Manners is aware of that you simply imply it kindly, however providing to improve the wardrobe of your grandson’s teenaged girlfriend is so out of proportion to the scenario as to probably embarrass her and her household.
Her mother and father, or the woman herself, could be offended on the notion that her household can not afford to fulfill your loved ones’s costume requirements. They might really feel that such a gesture leaves her indebted to you, with the implication that she shouldn’t be free to interrupt off the connection if she ever needs to.
And she or he might accomplish that, if she can not assist considering that the younger man was ashamed sufficient of her look to enchantment to his household.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or by way of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
