DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our daughter is ending kindergarten and can begin first grade within the fall.
Neither the college nor our household is celebrating this milestone with a commencement or in any manner in a different way than we’d any development from one grade to the subsequent.
Our church yearly celebrates graduates within the early summer season with a certificates and public recognition on “graduation Sunday.” I believe it is a charming custom and an vital a part of being in neighborhood with one another.
As a result of our daughter isn’t graduating, I didn’t submit a type noting her commencement to the church secretary who organizes “graduation Sunday.” This resulted in a name from the secretary, who wished to know if she might embody our daughter within the checklist of graduates.
I responded that she couldn’t, as a result of our daughter didn’t graduate from something. The secretary didn’t quit, arguing that different households had been itemizing their youngsters who had “graduated” from preschool and kindergarten. Wouldn’t our daughter really feel overlooked?
I responded that she would seemingly be extra confused and embarrassed (she is autistic and doesn’t prefer to be singled out) at being acknowledged for one thing her faculty and household had not talked about. The secretary lastly gave up the purpose after I remained agency.
The entire interplay left me confused. Why would anybody even name a baby who completed kindergarten a graduate? Doesn’t commencement require incomes a level, diploma or certificates?
I like the custom of celebrating the exhausting work of graduates and sending them off to the subsequent problem. But when all of our “graduates” are 4- and 5-year-olds, it appears to overlook the purpose.
I’d love to listen to Miss Manners’ ideas.
GENTLE READER: Little question these 4- and 5-year-olds are additionally lacking the purpose, as they discover that it’s doable to be a graduate with out tutorial achievements.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: It appears increasingly of my buddies’ younger grownup youngsters are getting tattoos.
Usually my buddies share the information just like the tattoo is a few kind of accomplishment and, if the younger grownup is current, will summon them over to point out off the brand new ink to (presumably) accumulate compliments.
Whereas I don’t begrudge others doing what they need with their our bodies, I don’t have tattoos myself and don’t personally perceive the attraction.
I additionally admit that when somebody completely tattoos themselves on the tender age of 18 or 19, nothing in my being thinks congratulations or reward is so as.
A lot of the different buddies will feign curiosity and provide complimentary feedback in regards to the design. I often simply smile and hear.
Whereas I don’t wish to make up pretend compliments, saying nothing doesn’t really feel completely well mannered both. What do you assume?
GENTLE READER: If there’s one factor Miss Manners would assume these younger adults ought to have realized from posting private info on-line, it’s that displaying off to others doesn’t encourage common admiration. Maybe they uncared for to show their dad and mom that makes an attempt to solicit compliments are more likely to produce snarky responses.
Not that you simply or any of their buddies can be so impolite. However neither do you need to produce false flattery. Slightly, you possibly can merely ask well mannered questions: “How did you choose the design?” “Will you be doing more of these?” and positively not, “Are you nuts?”
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or via postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
