DEAR HARRIETTE: I bought married not too long ago, and whereas the day was stunning total, I can’t cease eager about one thing that basically upset me: My cousin confirmed up late to the ceremony.
I had already began strolling down the aisle when my cousin got here dashing in, carrying a flashy, attention-grabbing costume, heels clicking loudly on the ground, making an enormous scene looking for a seat. Heads turned. The second that was imagined to be targeted on my husband and me was fully disrupted.
To make issues worse, she didn’t appear in the least apologetic. On the reception, she acted like nothing had occurred and even made jokes about how everybody observed her entrance.
I’ve tried to let it go, however I preserve replaying the second and feeling prefer it was egocentric and disrespectful. My household says to not make an enormous deal out of it, however I’m nonetheless damage.
Am I overreacting? Ought to I say one thing to her, or simply transfer on?
— Unhealthy Manners
DEAR BAD MANNERS: My guess is that your cousin is single and jealous of you and your marriage. You’ll be able to’t do something to vary that.
Pivot as a substitute and focus in your new life.
Acknowledge the present of affection and connection you’ve gotten along with your partner, and permit that to fill any of the tender areas, together with her disrespect.
If the 2 of you might be collectively and her habits comes up naturally otherwise you really feel the urge to say one thing to her privately, accomplish that with love. Let her know she damage your emotions by disrupting your marriage ceremony. Ensure that she understands what she ought to have executed in that scenario in order that she doesn’t disrupt any future ceremonies.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister and I’ve at all times been shut, however currently, issues have grow to be tense between us, and it’s all due to our children.
Her son and my daughter go to the identical faculty and are in the identical grade. Lately, they’ve been having a whole lot of issues getting alongside. There’s been name-calling, rumors and a few arguments that the academics needed to step in to settle.
As a substitute of us with the ability to discuss it out calmly as mother and father, it’s changed into a blame sport. She thinks my daughter is being dramatic and oversensitive, and I really feel like her son is being imply and instigating a whole lot of the battle.
Each time we attempt to focus on it, we find yourself getting defensive and damage. I hate that that is driving a wedge between us, however I additionally have to advocate for my youngster.
How can we put our relationship first whereas nonetheless dealing with the scenario with our children in a wholesome and productive approach?
— Huge Rift
DEAR BIG RIFT: Now could be the time to place your youngsters first. You must work out the rationale for the battle between them.
Speak to the instructor and faculty counselor to realize any perception. Did one thing occur to set off this habits? If there may be any approach that they are often put into totally different courses, ask for that. Separation might assist them.
Get counseling in your youngster — an expert who might be able to discuss to your daughter about what’s occurring and unravel it.
Inform your sister that you simply love her and don’t wish to battle. Suggest that relatively than the 2 of you blaming anybody for something, you’re employed collectively to find what’s inflicting all of this pressure between your youngsters.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist folks entry and activate their goals. You’ll be able to ship inquiries to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
