DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m an grownup with bodily and emotional disabilities, and I dwell with my caregiver.
I’ve an older pal who’s a really candy particular person with good intentions, however I really feel like she doesn’t actually perceive my wants. Amongst different issues, I’ve a catheter and use a wheelchair.
She usually says she desires to “take me out on the town” to “get crazy.” To date, she’s by no means adopted by with any of those invites, however each time she brings it up, I really feel very uncomfortable.
I completely don’t need to go anyplace together with her!
Tonight, once we have been out to dinner with my household, she requested me to go someplace one other time. I didn’t know what to do, so I simply smiled and mentioned it gave the impression of enjoyable.
Is there a well mannered approach to decline her invites so she’ll cease asking me?
GENTLE READER: “After all, I might like to exit in town with you. Let’s get loopy!
“So right here’s what must occur: We have now to name Maria, my caregiver, and guarantee that she is offered. Hopefully she will be able to get a van large enough for the three of us, my wheelchair and my service canine, Chief. Then let’s name the membership and ensure they’ve wheelchair entry, each in entrance and from the parking zone.
“Oh, first, let’s ensure they’ve a parking zone, since I gained’t be capable to wheel very removed from the van. After all, we’ll must go on an evening when it’s not too crowded in order that the dance ground has clearance for me and Chief to wheel round — and a large berth for all my equipment.
“We’ll also want to check that it’s OK for me to bring in my own food and drink …”
Miss Manners feels sure that you’ll not must get a lot additional than the second sentence earlier than your pal realizes what she is asking, begins to panic and retreats. If she doesn’t, you’ll be able to at all times say, “I was joking, Meredith. Obviously it’s a little hard for me to be spontaneous, but I enjoy spending time with you. Perhaps we can do that without ‘getting crazy.’”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My father has moved into an assisted residing facility, the place residents every have their very own rooms or small residences.
Some depart their doorways open to the hallway, and I ponder if it’s applicable to greet them when passing by their rooms as I go to my father.
They could admire a cheery “hello” or a wave from the hallway, however would that be intruding on their privateness? If I stroll by with my eyes averted, am I sending a message that their presence just isn’t necessary? What would Miss Manners advocate?
GENTLE READER: Is there an choice between gawking at these tenants as you move by and fervently wanting away as if they have been inmates who dedicated a criminal offense?
Miss Manners suggests you attempt spontaneity and never overthink the scenario. In the event you occur to make eye contact, a shy, endearing smile is okay. But when they don’t return your gaze, preserve it shifting.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
