DEAR MISS MANNERS: We now have a 1-year-old grandchild who lives 90 miles from us. Our frustration comes from the mother and father advising us to buy items solely from their curated want checklist.
They strongly defend the checklist as their “knowing what’s best” for his or her baby. I’ve twice been rebuked for various from mentioned gadgets, as soon as by model and as soon as by coloration. It’s almost not possible to get the precise merchandise requested, given the limitless decisions of youngsters’s merchandise on the market.
When receiving a thank-you, the gadgets that weren’t from the checklist aren’t talked about.
Final Christmas, we have been compelled to maintain an merchandise that price $100 as a result of the mother and father had purchased their very own model for his or her baby, and it was too late for us to return ours.
You possibly can think about our shock after we visited them and noticed our grandchild enjoying with some plastic toys, which we had been instructed have been unacceptable.
We really feel the enjoyment of buying our younger grandchild has been fully usurped, and we don’t relish having to take action for a few years to return. Ought to we settle for this disheartened feeling and observe the checklist to maintain the peace?
GENTLE READER: No, please resist. Miss Manners doesn’t want to reside in a world by which the registry bullies win.
You may inform the mother and father, “We enjoy getting things for Graham, and while you know what’s best for him, we like to have a little fun with it, too. Perhaps while he is young, we will just stick to experiences — like taking him to the park when we are in town — instead of giving him presents.”
As he will get older, Graham will certainly begin to have his personal opinions about what he likes to play with. And you can begin to type your concepts extra straight from the toddler’s mouth.
[A letter apparently from the same grandparent was answered recently in the Asking Eric column. Eric had different advice.]
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Three years in the past, I used to be identified with most cancers. I used to be extraordinarily lucky: My tumor was eliminated and I didn’t require radiation or chemo.
I’ve my screenings yearly and all has been properly. Am I a “cancer survivor”?
I by no means wish to take something away from somebody who had a way more tough battle than I did. I don’t wish to use the time period incorrectly.
GENTLE READER: To begin with, Miss Manners want to say how lucky it’s that you’re now properly. Even the mildest types of most cancers are horrifying.
Now for the admonishment:
Are you (and the remainder of the world) beneath the impression that most cancers is a contest? Or worse, a battle to be fought?
Metaphors like “losing,” “fighting,” “succumbing” and even “surviving” the “battle” add a stigma to a scenario that was by no means a good contest.
Miss Manners would like that any such label be disbursed with altogether.
If it comes up in dialog, you merely say that you just had most cancers, and that now, fortunately, you might be doing properly. That’s as a lot of an outline as is important.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or by means of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
